Gay Apparel

1/1/23

My subversive friend Shana says, “you wouldn’t think I would be someone who loves Christmas so much, but I do!” I shrieked back, “So do I!!!”

So. Much.

My partner is relieved that I no longer have an excuse to prance around to Christmas music 24 hours a day, even though I know she loves it as much as I do. If I go near her VERY organized frosted tree village, she panics.

Back in the neon pink and black dawn of my hipster days, I dimmed my sparkly lights, unplugged my golden star, scooted silver threads of tinsel under the carpet, and listened to Hole when I longed for Oh Holy Night—ashamed to burn so deeply for something so un-cool. Pissed at the patriarchy for stealing another feminine tradition (movie about this coming sometime soon).

Then I thought, look at that Yule tree, draped in her twinkly boa of rainbow lights, dangly bulbs of gold and green, popping red bows, shimmering glass stars, and I thought - Christmas is SO GAY!

So bright! So adorned! So many accoutrements!

Sparkly, ho-ho cocoa, clinking, frosty glasses, decadent, delicious, soft pantsing, Prancy, Dancy, and Vixen! Giving and receiving, basking in the warmth of each other, the connection that births a love bigger than ourselves all lit up in that flaming, red-gold glow.

Lez be real: December is the one month of the year when most of America is in drag.

I can relate. I was born just a little bit drag queen.

So, hear this, all you queers and progressives who feel stuck in that Christmas closet, come on out and claim your seat by the fire.

And for the rest of you, it’s ok. You can be straight and still love gay Christmas. If your relatives complain, tell them it’s just a phase.